Are you ever amazed and shocked at how much you are willing to do for your pet? Like you have this logical sanity that tells you, you won’t spend outlandish amounts of cash at a vet because it’s just a dog, but when confronted with the puppy dog eyes and potential loss of your dog, all logic goes out the window? My husband and I just went through this with our dog, Penny. After throwing up for three days, we went to the vet because now she wasn’t even taking fluids. X-rays (X-rays!) confirmed Penny had a large quantity of something in her stomach. We were certain it wasn’t food. Blood tests were drawn, but since she wouldn’t take in fluids, they were unable to collect a urine sample. Thus, we were sent home with a urine collection tray and instructed to collect a urine sample ourselves.
Unsettled, I went home and searched for hope….on the Internet, of course. Oooh! They have pet prayer blogs. Score. I’m not the best at prayer, but I’m still God-fearing and wanted at least someone praying for her. And incidentally, did you know that there is a patron Saint of dogs!? St. Roch. Note to self: See if bobble-head or hula dancing St. Roch exists for the dog crate…or car dashboard.
So the morning came and Penny was ready to go outside for her morning potty. Commence operation urine sample. How does one collect a urine sample from a dog? Ideally, husband who is dressed in full suit for a wake later that day duck walks behind the dog with aforementioned collection tray waiting for the female dog to squat. You, the neurotic wife, follow behind barefoot and in pajamas, gesturing wildly with suggestions. After contribution has been made, take syringe provided with collection tray and draw the urine from the tray. Deposit into a jar of your choice. Should that be an old jar of baby food from when you hosted a Kappa Delta brunch and your friend brought a child and strained carrots, so be it. Repurposing at its finest.
After vet confirms that blood, urine and all other vitals are fine, begin thorough poop investigation. This is not a fun job because you have neglected to pick up yard poop for the past few weeks because….errr…it’s cold outside. I save my empty, vegan, protein powder jugs for trash poop collection. Wait, doesn’t everyone? After donning a pair of latex gloves, I tried to pep talk myself into the task at hand. The first method was simply to detach emotionally by taking on an alias of a CSI technician or a dinosaur archeologist. I still wasn’t feeling enthused. So I started narrating the process in my head with an Australian accent. That made the task more bearable. Finally, hurrah! I found the trouble-causing toy that has made its trek successfully through the land of doggy digestion. Peace and sanity was restored in the kingdom. Now we are on to more important matters, namely finding dashboard saint figurines.
Amy Gausemel , Client of Out-U-Go! Naperville Proud pet parent of Penny, a 1-year old Treeing Walker Coonhound